Tears. I have cried many of them, many.
I've cried the kind of tears that come from moments of pure joy, like when I married my husband and published my book. I've also prayed the ones that feel like there won't be anything left of you once you shed the last one. All you can do is cry in moments of great anguish.
It may come as a surprise to many but I used to be ashamed of my tears. I used to think that my tears exposed all the parts of me I was so desperately trying to hide. I thought that with each tear drop, I lost more and more of my value and worth. While I am comfortable with tears flowing freely now, I still had a thought, "what did God think of my tears?".
Jesus wept - John 11:35
Jesus wept. It's the shortest scripture in the bible and I used to feel so smart when I could finally say I knew one verse off by heart! But all jokes aside, I find so much comfort in these two words, and I hope you do too.
One minute our world tells us to 'man up' and don't acknowledge our feelings, and the next we are insensitive if we don't. Which one is it?! I gave up listening to everyone else's opinion a long time ago, and decided to do it my way. I figured if Jesus wept, then it was okay for me, and I'm pretty sure it's okay for you as well.
In my book STANDING WELL, I shared this about tears....
‘Happy are those who are strong in the Lord, who want above all else to follow your steps. When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of springs where pools of blessing and refreshment collect after rains!’ - Psalm 84:5-6 TLB
What a beautiful image.
I love the thought that my past and future seasons of weeping have been, and could be, made into refreshing springs. That my journey so far, and the different valleys I’ve walked through, would not be wasted but instead turned into something that blesses me and those around me. The very thing that tried to hurt and destroy me, is the very thing God will use to bless my life abundantly. The very water that fell from my eyes in my season of pure sadness is the water that will now be a place of refreshment.
I encourage you to trust the tears you are shedding now are the ones that will rehydrate you and bring life back to you, just like they have for me.
I have such comfort and value in allowing my tears to fall now. I am no longer fighting them back and trying to hide them, feeling embarrassed by them or ashamed of them. If anything, at times, I ask for them to come. When I first started to let the tears fall, they felt like razor blades falling down my cheeks. But as I started to see my pain and tears have a purpose, I began to respect them and even treasure them. Something shifted when I gave my tears special attention and saw them as worthy of high regard.
My attitude changed with how I treated them, thought about them, spoke
about them and how I let them fall. Let me leave you journal entry from my daily devotionals that God spoke to me when I was struggling to let the tears fall after my mum had taken her own life and was now in heaven.
My love will always be greater than your burden – always! It is ok to voice your pain; it is ok to hurt and give that hurt a voice. But don’t hold on to it. Don’t let it determine what you think of yourself or what you think I think of you. My love will be with you regardless of whether you see it or feel it. My love will be the unknown hug holding you tightly, shielding you from the arrows and absorbing your tears, your pain and your anguish. You are so loved and I love YOU so much more than you will ever comprehend, possibly appreciate.
